Things you should never do

Kinja'd!!! "HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
10/17/2018 at 18:53 • Filed to: None

Kinja'd!!!4 Kinja'd!!! 30
Kinja'd!!!

1. tug on S uperman’ s cape

2. mess around with Slim

3. Tell you mom you’ll help her and her new husband find a car.

I get called AT LEAST 3 times a day...during work...with questions like:

“We’re sitting in a forester, now we looked at one of those and I didn’t like it, why didn’t I like it?”

you didn’t like the interior mom

“thats right!” * to her husband sitting next to her* “we didn’t like the interior. Yeah we don’t like it either.”

I ignored 3 calls today because I was, well you know, working? I sent her texts saying I can’t talk right now.

I relented and picked up at the end of the day

“Finally I get a hold of you. You must be out and about or something.”

no...just at work, working.

“so anyway what do you think about an escape.”


DISCUSSION (30)


Kinja'd!!! Ash78, voting early and often > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:00

Kinja'd!!!1

“Notepad, mother-mother...DO YOU SPEAK IT?!”


Kinja'd!!! Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:00

Kinja'd!!!1

That sounds awful. I notice that when one offers some family member some “help,” the recipient tends to take that to the logical extreme. They sound like they have all day to do nothing, they could easily be doing their own research - hell, even making notes about the cars they’ve driven and why they did or did not like them.

Also: beware. If they buy a car based on your recommendation or even slight input and something goes wrong, YOU WILL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT. Because adults can’t be held accountable for their own choices.


Kinja'd!!! benjrblant > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:00

Kinja'd!!!2

If you can’t remember why you didn’t like it, you don’t not like it enough to not own it .


Kinja'd!!! For Sweden > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:03

Kinja'd!!!2

4. Let your dad shoot the President


Kinja'd!!! HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/17/2018 at 19:04

Kinja'd!!!1

I have literally told them both this. I said “So go out and find what you like, what speaks to you, then we’ll get you the best price on it. I wont give you specific car advice because I don’t want you to feel like I made you make a choice of any kind.”

And yet, here we are.


Kinja'd!!! Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:08

Kinja'd!!!2

Here’s a list of vehicles of vehicles they should contact you about:
- exact models you own or have owned
- ...
- NO

“Hey, what do you think of the GLC300?”
“Hmmm do I... own one?”
“Uhhhh... no?”
“Right.”
[click]


Kinja'd!!! Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:10

Kinja'd!!!1

There is a nice acura zdx here in Whitefish. I think she would like it.

Kinja'd!!!

https://www.donksubaru.com/used/Acura/2011-Acura-ZDX-whitefish-kalispell-mt-dbeb1cc30a0e0a176455560e750357ce.htm


Kinja'd!!! HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/17/2018 at 19:11

Kinja'd!!!1

This is the same person that keeps calling me for help with her iphone...the person who’s never owned an iphone and reminds her of it every. single. time.  


Kinja'd!!! Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:13

Kinja'd!!!0

Well at least you’re the favorite... In your case that’s probably not a good thing.


Kinja'd!!! HammerheadFistpunch > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/17/2018 at 19:13

Kinja'd!!!0

if it was for her, we’d be done by now.  In fact we ARE done, we bought her a lovely cx5 touring (not wagon).  This is for her new hubby.  So I have literally nothing to go on except that he told me he would love it if he could find another BMW 2002.  he had 2 and really liked them.  


Kinja'd!!! HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/17/2018 at 19:14

Kinja'd!!!0

favorite by way of proximity.  


Kinja'd!!! RPM esq. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/17/2018 at 19:14

Kinja'd!!!0

Is it weird that the OP and your comment make me sort of relieved that my parents are perfectly nice but very emotionally distant , or is that just me transferring my even more complete emotional unavailability onto them? Or are you not that kind of doctor?


Kinja'd!!! Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:16

Kinja'd!!!0

Hey, me too! All my brothers live out of state; I’m an hour away.


Kinja'd!!! HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/17/2018 at 19:17

Kinja'd!!!0

my sympathies.  


Kinja'd!!! Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > RPM esq.
10/17/2018 at 19:19

Kinja'd!!!0

The chicken, or the egg.

I’m the distant one in my family whereas as the rest is knit tighter than a grandma’s scarf . So I can’t help you there. But seeing how close my wife’s family is, I’m like, “Yeah, this isn’t so bad.”


Kinja'd!!! Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:20

Kinja'd!!!0

Oh no, sir. The sympathies are all mine. I don’t have that boat thing going on.


Kinja'd!!! nermal > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:22

Kinja'd!!!1

Sounds like it’s a great time to passive aggressively schedule an adventure that takes you outside of cell phone coverage for an extended period .


Kinja'd!!! Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:23

Kinja'd!!!7

Well then he should be looking for a mid 2000's red automatic corvette .


Kinja'd!!! RPM esq. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/17/2018 at 19:24

Kinja'd!!!1

Yeah, based on my sister’s experience , it’s definitely me. Still: like you, I look at the un-Mrs. RPM’s family drama (like, not terrible, just E M O T I O N S) and breathe a sigh of relief. At least once a week.


Kinja'd!!! benjrblant > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/17/2018 at 19:25

Kinja'd!!!1

I have not lived within 1,000 miles of my parents since high school.


Kinja'd!!! HammerheadFistpunch > RPM esq.
10/17/2018 at 19:26

Kinja'd!!!1

My in laws are amazing. I like my sibs too and my mom is okay, but my dad was definitely the anchor in her life, when he died she went a little n uts and getting a beat on her has been tough.  I like her new husband too but we met him in july about 2 weeks before she did and when we found out they were getting married so its still a little weird.    


Kinja'd!!! vicali > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:36

Kinja'd!!!1

Spacious and roomy you say?

Kinja'd!!!


Kinja'd!!! HammerheadFistpunch > vicali
10/17/2018 at 19:38

Kinja'd!!!1

I’m still hoping I get to drive one of those soon.


Kinja'd!!! Jayvincent > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:39

Kinja'd!!!1

you - are- the man for that Jim Croce reference


Kinja'd!!! Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > benjrblant
10/17/2018 at 19:43

Kinja'd!!!1

Lah. Dee. DAH.


Kinja'd!!! Roundbadge > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:48

Kinja'd!!!1

My mom renovated her house probably 5 or 6 years ago. With this, she wanted a fancy new LE D TV and wanted me to integrate everything in with audio and cable. Fine.

After running cables and connecting everything over the course of a couple of weekends, I finally finished. Nothing like finding ways to integrate 2013 (I think) video technology with 1997-vintage audio. It was interesting, but it worked.

For the next year or two, I got calls every other week...usually while I was at work. “I can’t get sound to come out of the stereo.” or “We’re trying to watch the Ohio State game but nothing’s showing up.” This is probably a good place to mention that I live 3.5 hours from my mom, and have no brothers or sisters. I’m the only one for her to call .

“Mom...you know I have a job, right?”
“Yes...I do. Now. We tried turning it off and back on...”
“I’ll call you after work.”
“But...okay...”

It’s more than a little heartbreaking to see my mom getting older...but dammit, it’s gonna be a while before I have a similar schedule to hers.


Kinja'd!!! zipfuel > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 19:53

Kinja'd!!!2

Making recommendations we avoid but I feel like a “do not buy under any fuckin’ circumstances” list could save some time:

Do not call about: Used Land Rovers, Cerberus era Chryslers, Audi allroads etc

A friend of ours was looking at a used Toureg for a “ great price” I just made a very long ssssssssssssssssssssss  intake of breath through the teeth noise...


Kinja'd!!! CB > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 20:08

Kinja'd!!!1

When my mum went car shopping, we went with a CR-V and called it a day. She wanted a car that would last forever, I didn’t want to deal with hemming and hawing, so the CR-V has worked out great.

I promptly moved to Saskatchewan to prevent any further issues.


Kinja'd!!! arl > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 20:11

Kinja'd!!!0

“Mom, you and (insert_new_Dad_name_here) loved the Forester (not remembering what she actually liked). You guys should get it! I hear that’s a limited edition model and it’s quite unlikely you’ll find another one just like it! Call me once you’ve signed the papers and I’ll come meet you for dinner!”


Kinja'd!!! gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > HammerheadFistpunch
10/17/2018 at 20:30

Kinja'd!!!0

My parent have no idea how to leave a voicemail. My mom will talk for 5 minutes. my dad will go into a monotone voice

“(gmporschenut) when you get home, can you give me a call ” I can’t count the number of times I’ve thought a family member has died.